I Am The Very Model Of An MDiv Seminarian

I started this early on in my time at Drew, but got only so far with so much to do.

Having just seen Wicked, with all its wit, I was inspired to come back and finish it.

(If that bothered you you're not going to like what comes next. Get out while you still can.)




I Am The Very Model Of An MDiv Seminarian
(to the tune of the Major General's Song by Gilbert & Sullivan)

I am the very model of an MDiv seminarian
I've information Methodist, Catholic, Unitarian
I know the popes of Rome who have significance historical
From Gregory to Paul the Sixth, in order categorical

I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters homiletical
I preach the Word in such a way that's modern-day prophetical
Of Hebrew texts like Exodus I'm teeming with a lot of news
With many cheerful facts about the freedom of a lot of Jews

(With many cheerful facts about the freedom of a lot of Jews
With many cheerful facts about the freedom of a lot of Jews
With many cheerful facts about the freedom of a-lot-a-lot of Jews)

I'm very good at doctrine, creeds, and intricate theologies
I know locations, dates, and names of missionaries overseas
In short, in matters Methodist, Catholic, Unitarian
I am the very model of an MDiv seminarian

(In short, in matters Methodist, Catholic, Unitarian
She is the very model of an MDiv seminarian)

I know our bold traditions include flaws and mediocrities
I welcome hard dilemmas, I've a pretty taste for Socrates
I can quote from rote the ancients' known theophanies
With God-speak, I can floor the folks with charismatic tendencies

I can tell evangelistic work from imperialistic ways
I know the justice issues that are relevant to present day
Then I can stand and protest just as well as any Protestant
And say whatever reeks of bigotry and hate has not assent

(And say whatever reeks of bigotry and hate has not assent
And say whatever reeks of bigotry and hate has not assent
And say whatever reeks of bigotry and hate has-not-has-not a scent.)

Snifffff.

Then I can write proposals for inventive outreach ministries
And tell you ev'ry detail of our local churches' histories
In short, in matters Methodist, Catholic, Unitarian
I am the very model of an MDiv seminarian

(In short, in matters Methodist, Catholic, Unitarian
She is the very model of an MDiv seminarian)

In fact, when I know what is meant by "exegete" and "Pharisee"
When I can tell at sight a not-for-profit from a charity
When stained glass art I analyze becomes that much more beautiful
And when I know precisely what is meant by "hermeneutical"

When I've developed techniques in deciphering Hebrew punnery
When I know more novenas than a novice in a nunnery
In short, when I've a smattering of Armageddon strategy
You'll say a better seminarian had never sniped zombies.

(You'll say a better seminarian had never sniped zombies
You'll say a better seminarian had never sniped zombies
You'll say a better seminarian had never wiped out sniped zombies)

For my ecclesiastic knowledge, though I'm plucky and adventury,
Has only been brought down to the beginning of the century
But still, in matters Methodist, Catholic, Unitarian
I am the very model of an MDiv seminarian

(But still, in matters Methodist, Catholic, Unitarian
She is the very model of an MDiv seminarian!)