As you and anyone who has ever shaken an 8 Ball have already sorted out, you can't depend solely on others to make difficult decisions for you. Difficult decisions, by nature, demand of us time and energy and reasoning and in general more patience than we are keen to maintain.
You can, however, continue to seek support - not support for one choice or another, but literally support for YOU. Who do you know is on your side, even when you don't know which side you're on? Talk to those people about your decision - or don't. Just be with them. They may not have the answers, but whether in word or deed, they can help to provide the framework you need as you work at the decision at-hand, something that may have significant implications for one change or another in your life.
And sometimes, seek time alone. It is perhaps one of the most conflicting feelings of humanity to feel alone while surrounded by people, even one's own loved ones. But, based upon my humble sample size, it is a common one; ultimately, you are not alone in that. Purposely withdrawing and allowing time for reflection, meditation, or simply taking time apart from hubbub and distraction - be it a few minutes in the shower or an organized month-long retreat - can help you to refocus and prevent you from feeling fragmented.
Which of those many voices telling you what to do or how to approach an issue is your voice? Have you been speaking all along, unable to hear what you wanted to say beneath the din of many well-intentioned advisors? Were you silent? Do you still not know what your say in the matter is? At this time, what further information or understanding would better help you to formulate and clarify your perspective?
If you pray, keep praying. Not just to get an answer from God, but also to get an answer from yourself. Then see if God has more to say. Let it be a conversation.
I say it this way not to diminish God's input or to rationalize what seem to be unanswered prayers, but to emphasize that no part of living is a spectator sport, and some even less so than others.
At times, I thought that if God wanted something for me, God would make it work - not that God would make everything mysteriously fall into place and I wouldn't have to put in any effort, but that God would at least make it obvious to me as to what was the way it was all Supposed to Be. Because I have felt that God's guidance was so clear in some matters, I came to expect such clarity more often. I made demands of God that were not mine to make and felt indignant when they seemed unfulfilled. Instead of continuing to trust that God would direct me on a Need-to-Know basis, I wanted to know why I was being left in the dark.
In faith and prayer, it is sometimes easy to want to give everything up to God and forget that we are beings of free will, and that God wanted that for us; gave that to us. Understand that the point is not for God to force us into what, in hindsight, we will consider to have been the best decision. While I believe God guides us and helps us to discern many of our paths, I wonder if perhaps God occasionally withdraws to let us come to a new level of self-awareness and self-motivation; to discover the incredible strength of our convictions, even when we are not fueled by their perceived divine importance; and to allow us the opportunity to chart our course with the understanding that God is going to be there no matter which way we choose - even in difficult situations, and even when we wonder if things would have turned out differently if we had decided otherwise.
Thank you, my lady <3
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