Letter to Grandpa

I offered the following letter as the eulogy at my grandfather's funeral this week. Grandpa just recently celebrated his 91st birthday and lived with my parents and grandmother for the past two years. His health and strength, both cognitive and physical, deteriorated gradually due to Parkinson's Disease, and he received home hospice care for the past 10 months. (I wrote about him here in October 2010 as well.)

This gradual process was painful for him and for all of us. Indeed, it raised many theological questions for me. And while I still do not have all of the answers (nor do I expect to), I do believe I have been given the most important one. The one about identity - who we really are; why we love and are loved.


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Dear Grandpa (my godfather and my "Grandsprout"),

The earliest memory I have of you is walking with you in your vegetable garden in Brooklyn. One time, I found a stick there and you let me bring it home for our dog like some kind of souvenir. (Because I was visiting one of the coolest places I'd ever been, and I had to go out and share a part of it with somebody.)

That's how I feel about the love that you and Nana have shared. That needs to be passed along to everyone. It isn't just your garden variety kind of love. It is tenderly planted, lovingly grown, and devotedly protected. It has deep roots and widespread branches. But the best part is that you were always inviting us to walk in your garden. You and Nana both loved so many friends and family members, too.

You loved us with every bowl of soup and plate of manicotti, every fresh-baked loaf of bread, and every homegrown veggie. You loved us in the way you cared for your parents and your neighbors. You loved us in wanting the best for us, and in reconciling when it was time for reconciliation.

And then there is what I learned through all the people who have been loving you and caring for you. Your wife, your children, our extended family, our church congregation, ministers and chaplains, and our own personal fleet of angels: the caregivers and aides and healthcare professionals who may have pulled up in the driveway as strangers, but came through the door as friends, and left the house as family.

Because love like this means that there are no strangers, only more people to feed. (And we like that.)

As the dementia progressed, it was so difficult to see everything we thought made you "you" slowly begin to slip away - your sharp mind, your memories, your strong sense of self. We loved those things about you. But they weren't why we loved you. And I finally realize that there is a difference.

I believe that we receive grace from God not because of what we do or who we think we are, but because of who God is and what God does. And I believe that we are to love each other like that as best as we can: not because of who we think we are or should be, but because of who God says we are - that we are all meant to love and be loved. Unconditionally. No matter the circumstances.

The last memory I have of you is from Christmas. Nana and Mother and Dad and I were playing Apples to Apples and laughing so hard. And you were laughing with us. The joy we felt in each other's company was palpable.

Grandpa, we miss you now that you have continued on, but you aren't far from our minds or hearts. And I hope the joy that I feel in knowing that you are at peace today is just as palpable as our joy together on Christmas Day.

Love,
Sprout

Follow Through

A meditation on Mark 1:14-20 that I prepared for a service at a nursing home (actually an abbreviated revision of a sermon I haven't preached yet).


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What if the disciples' initial decision to follow is important--the event that starts them on their journey--but what if there's even more to this? The story of "Jesus and his disciples" could have ended at any moment had the followers stopped following. (There seem to be a few close calls when the disciples are not having their finer moments.) But because they ultimately follow through, the Gospels don't end at Chapter One.

Sports folks! I know you're out there. In baseball, golf, tennis, what makes a good swing? Is it only the moment that you lift your hands, or the moment of impact, or is it also the follow-through?

What makes your friend your friend? Is it that day back in kindergarten (or college!) that you were both so nervous about not knowing anyone that you made a pact to stick together? Or is it every day of your friendship since then that you do stick by each other?

What makes your spouse your spouse? Is it only the signed marriage license from the state? Or is it every day that you keep the vows you made to each other? If you were a traditionalist on your wedding day, you may have vowed to love and cherish your partner. "Love" here is a verb, and like the verb "follow," it beckons a choice, a commitment.

We also practice commitment to our communities and neighbors, to our work, to our rest and our self-care, or in devoting our time or energy to something with meaning to us. When we offer this kind of dedication to Jesus, we are not just following, but we are following through.

One more thing to mention: Being a person of commitment doesn't mean that we won't also need to make difficult choices and sacrifices. There are going to be activities and relationships in our lives that, for whatever reason, we will need to let go. Sometimes Jesus will call, and Zebedee and the hired men will stay behind.

But we may be surprised to see who has been called to travel with us and who else we'll find along the way. We are called to love enemies and strangers. We are called to love the enemy or the stranger that our friend or our spouse or our ex has become to us. We are called to forgive and to accept forgiveness, to heal and to accept healing. And we are called to share God's message with other people; to encourage others to take a life-changing swing at life and then follow through.

Because when Jesus called people to follow him, he called them to journey with him. He vowed that he would shape them into new people living with a new purpose, for however long they committed to the process and to him.

And so, when we have decided to follow Jesus, to see what he will teach us about who we really are, it is a decision that we must make again and again: to follow through, every day.