Drink the Cup (A Buttercup Communion Parody)

We started our Church at Worship hymn project in class last night. This will not be the song I share with the class, for reasons which will be abundantly clear in a minute, but I will always remember it as the song I wrote fresh off our hymnody lesson. Nothing can take that away from me.



Drink the Cup
To the tune of "Build Me Up Buttercup" by the Foundations

Why don't you drink the cup? (drink the cup)
Drink it up, baby
When you eat the bread (eat the bread) 'cause Jesus ain't dead
It's the bread of life (bread of life) and blood of Christ, baby
Does that freak you out? (freak you out)
No reason to shout
It's just juice (it's just juice) and some pita bread pieces
The wafers are all gluten-free
So drink the cup (drink the cup), drink it up
But save some for me

Staff went to the store, couldn't get any more
Of that juice I used to like to drink (bah-dah-dah)
But it's not so bad, it'll be just a dab
Don't taste much whenever I intinct

(Hey, hey, hey!) Baby, baby, you try to find
(Hey, hey, hey!) A little wine, the fruit of the vine
(Hey, hey, hey!) Wanna sip
But, oh, instead you dip bread into juice
Ooo-oo-ooh, ooo-oo-ooh

Why don't you drink the cup? (drink the cup)
Drink it up, baby
When you eat the bread (eat the bread) 'cause Jesus ain't dead
It's the bread of life (bread of life) and blood of Christ, baby
Does that freak you out? (freak you out)
No reason to shout
It's just juice (it's just juice) and some pita bread pieces
The wafers are all gluten-free
So drink the cup (drink the cup), drink it up
Save some for me

Poor thing, had to sneeze. That made you drop your piece on the floor
And you were blushing then (bah-dah-dah)
"God bless you," I said. "You can take some new bread. There's still more"
Now let's try that again

(Hey, hey, hey!) Baby, baby, you try to find
(Hey, hey, hey!) A little wine, the fruit of the vine
(Hey, hey, hey!) Wanna sip
But, oh, instead you dip bread into juice
Ooo-oo-ooh, ooo-oo-ooh

Why don't you drink the cup? (drink the cup)
Drink it up, baby
When you eat the bread (eat the bread) 'cause Jesus ain't dead
It's the bread of life (bread of life) and blood of Christ, baby
Does that freak you out? (freak you out)
No reason to shout
It's just juice (it's just juice) and some pita bread pieces
The wafers are all gluten-free
So drink the cup (drink the cup), drink it up
Save some for me

I-I-I drink ju-u-u-uice with my pita bread pieces
The wafers are all gluten-free
So drink the cup (drink the cup), drink it up
Save some for me

I Am The Very Model Of An MDiv Seminarian

I started this early on in my time at Drew, but got only so far with so much to do.

Having just seen Wicked, with all its wit, I was inspired to come back and finish it.

(If that bothered you you're not going to like what comes next. Get out while you still can.)




I Am The Very Model Of An MDiv Seminarian
(to the tune of the Major General's Song by Gilbert & Sullivan)

I am the very model of an MDiv seminarian
I've information Methodist, Catholic, Unitarian
I know the popes of Rome who have significance historical
From Gregory to Paul the Sixth, in order categorical

I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters homiletical
I preach the Word in such a way that's modern-day prophetical
Of Hebrew texts like Exodus I'm teeming with a lot of news
With many cheerful facts about the freedom of a lot of Jews

(With many cheerful facts about the freedom of a lot of Jews
With many cheerful facts about the freedom of a lot of Jews
With many cheerful facts about the freedom of a-lot-a-lot of Jews)

I'm very good at doctrine, creeds, and intricate theologies
I know locations, dates, and names of missionaries overseas
In short, in matters Methodist, Catholic, Unitarian
I am the very model of an MDiv seminarian

(In short, in matters Methodist, Catholic, Unitarian
She is the very model of an MDiv seminarian)

I know our bold traditions include flaws and mediocrities
I welcome hard dilemmas, I've a pretty taste for Socrates
I can quote from rote the ancients' known theophanies
With God-speak, I can floor the folks with charismatic tendencies

I can tell evangelistic work from imperialistic ways
I know the justice issues that are relevant to present day
Then I can stand and protest just as well as any Protestant
And say whatever reeks of bigotry and hate has not assent

(And say whatever reeks of bigotry and hate has not assent
And say whatever reeks of bigotry and hate has not assent
And say whatever reeks of bigotry and hate has-not-has-not a scent.)

Snifffff.

Then I can write proposals for inventive outreach ministries
And tell you ev'ry detail of our local churches' histories
In short, in matters Methodist, Catholic, Unitarian
I am the very model of an MDiv seminarian

(In short, in matters Methodist, Catholic, Unitarian
She is the very model of an MDiv seminarian)

In fact, when I know what is meant by "exegete" and "Pharisee"
When I can tell at sight a not-for-profit from a charity
When stained glass art I analyze becomes that much more beautiful
And when I know precisely what is meant by "hermeneutical"

When I've developed techniques in deciphering Hebrew punnery
When I know more novenas than a novice in a nunnery
In short, when I've a smattering of Armageddon strategy
You'll say a better seminarian had never sniped zombies.

(You'll say a better seminarian had never sniped zombies
You'll say a better seminarian had never sniped zombies
You'll say a better seminarian had never wiped out sniped zombies)

For my ecclesiastic knowledge, though I'm plucky and adventury,
Has only been brought down to the beginning of the century
But still, in matters Methodist, Catholic, Unitarian
I am the very model of an MDiv seminarian

(But still, in matters Methodist, Catholic, Unitarian
She is the very model of an MDiv seminarian!)

Denomina! (A Parody of Muppet Proportions)

Didn't know there could be actual lyrics to this song? Neither did I until I wrote them.

Along with the occasional nonsense word, of course, because no Muppet parody should be devoid of nonsense words.

So this one goes out to anyone who's baffled by how many Christian denominations there are. Use this handy song to remember just a few of them and what makes them special. Just like you. Awww.





Denomina!
(to the tune of Mahna-Mahna as performed by the Muppets)

Denominations!

(Denomina.)

We're Friends, or Quakers, (Denomina!) with quiet hope. (Denomina!)
We're Roman Catholics. We've got Mass, and missals, and as of '13 Francis is our Pope.

Denomina na-na na-na... Ba da da, ba ba-da ba... eh?
Denomina.

Episcopalians, (Denomina!) like "Catholic Lite." (Denomina!)
And we're the Baptists. We're called to the altar to pray and practice our baptismal rite.

Denom ba ba da bom... Denom ba da, ba ba da bom... Ba ba bada... ba da ba! Na... Na?
Denomina.

We're Anabaptists. (Denomina!) We'll dunk you twice. (Denomina!)
You might have heard of the Amish, the Shakers, or even Menno Simons' Mennonites.

Denom-anama-nama-nama... Na ma na... Neh.
Denomina.

Remember Luther? (Denomina!) We're Lutheran. (Denomina!)
He wanted Scripture in German, his language, so common folks could hear the truth therein.

Denom ba ba da bom... Denom ba ba da bom... Ba da bom...
Denomina.

We're Presbyterians. (Denomina!) Calvin's our guy. (Denomina!)
Predestination? That just means that God chose where everyone will end up when we die.

Denomina!

We're Pentecostals. (Denomina!) Our Spirit's strong. (Denomina!)
And we're the Methodists. Our founder's John Wesley. We like to sing; that's why we wrote this song.

Hello?  Okay. Just a second. It's for you.

Denomina!

Kermit and the Snowths