The Last Day Lament

I led this prayer on the last day of our worship course (the day that we sang all the hymns that the students had written, hence the thematic transition at the end).

Source

A Seminary Psalm: The Last Day Lament

O God of Time, infinitely and intimately ours,
We are students and faculty facing the end of another semester;
Some of us the end of our journey at Drew.

We are buried beneath literal and digital stacks of paperwork,
Crunching out reports, and recuperating from computer crashes.
We are following guidelines and looking toward deadlines
And yet, despite so many straightforward lines,
We lose ourselves in a whirlwind of expectations.

O God of Grace, whose Book of Life has no column for grades,
We are students and faculty facing constant measurement:
Our mistakes and retakes, our credits and diplomas.
Our publish-or-perish publications, our tenure and evaluations.
We see A's and B's and C's and I's, NR's, and Z's,
And we wonder what they say about us;
About our learning and about our teaching.
We absorb letters on transcripts
As though they spell who we are and what we do.
But our identity is in You, O God:
You call us Beloved.
And our purpose is in You, O God:
You call us to Live, to Learn, and to Love.

Deliver us, O God!
Deliver us from the finality of our finals,
The pressure of our presentations,
The stress of our tests,
And the insidious voice inside us
Insisting that we've come to Drew
For any other reward or reason
Than the one for which You've led us here.

And thank You, God of Song,
That in the midst of our reading and writing,
We can claim this sacred time and space
To give You glory and praise.
Let all that we are and do be a song to You!

Amen.

I Am The Very Model Of An MDiv Seminarian

I started this early on in my time at Drew, but got only so far with so much to do.

Having just seen Wicked, with all its wit, I was inspired to come back and finish it.

(If that bothered you you're not going to like what comes next. Get out while you still can.)




I Am The Very Model Of An MDiv Seminarian
(to the tune of the Major General's Song by Gilbert & Sullivan)

I am the very model of an MDiv seminarian
I've information Methodist, Catholic, Unitarian
I know the popes of Rome who have significance historical
From Gregory to Paul the Sixth, in order categorical

I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters homiletical
I preach the Word in such a way that's modern-day prophetical
Of Hebrew texts like Exodus I'm teeming with a lot of news
With many cheerful facts about the freedom of a lot of Jews

(With many cheerful facts about the freedom of a lot of Jews
With many cheerful facts about the freedom of a lot of Jews
With many cheerful facts about the freedom of a-lot-a-lot of Jews)

I'm very good at doctrine, creeds, and intricate theologies
I know locations, dates, and names of missionaries overseas
In short, in matters Methodist, Catholic, Unitarian
I am the very model of an MDiv seminarian

(In short, in matters Methodist, Catholic, Unitarian
She is the very model of an MDiv seminarian)

I know our bold traditions include flaws and mediocrities
I welcome hard dilemmas, I've a pretty taste for Socrates
I can quote from rote the ancients' known theophanies
With God-speak, I can floor the folks with charismatic tendencies

I can tell evangelistic work from imperialistic ways
I know the justice issues that are relevant to present day
Then I can stand and protest just as well as any Protestant
And say whatever reeks of bigotry and hate has not assent

(And say whatever reeks of bigotry and hate has not assent
And say whatever reeks of bigotry and hate has not assent
And say whatever reeks of bigotry and hate has-not-has-not a scent.)

Snifffff.

Then I can write proposals for inventive outreach ministries
And tell you ev'ry detail of our local churches' histories
In short, in matters Methodist, Catholic, Unitarian
I am the very model of an MDiv seminarian

(In short, in matters Methodist, Catholic, Unitarian
She is the very model of an MDiv seminarian)

In fact, when I know what is meant by "exegete" and "Pharisee"
When I can tell at sight a not-for-profit from a charity
When stained glass art I analyze becomes that much more beautiful
And when I know precisely what is meant by "hermeneutical"

When I've developed techniques in deciphering Hebrew punnery
When I know more novenas than a novice in a nunnery
In short, when I've a smattering of Armageddon strategy
You'll say a better seminarian had never sniped zombies.

(You'll say a better seminarian had never sniped zombies
You'll say a better seminarian had never sniped zombies
You'll say a better seminarian had never wiped out sniped zombies)

For my ecclesiastic knowledge, though I'm plucky and adventury,
Has only been brought down to the beginning of the century
But still, in matters Methodist, Catholic, Unitarian
I am the very model of an MDiv seminarian

(But still, in matters Methodist, Catholic, Unitarian
She is the very model of an MDiv seminarian!)

If You Wanna Get Your M.Div (Song for Kirk)

A parody based on Wannabe by the Spice Girls

Dedicated to Kirk, who planted the idea in my head (and who recently celebrated a birthday - happy belated birthday, Kirk!)

Yo, I'll tell you about Kant, if you really, really want
Yeah, tell me about Kant, that's really what I want
I'll tell you about Kant, if you really, really want
Yeah, tell me about Kant, that's really what I want
I wanna, (ha) I wanna, (ha) I wanna, (ha) I wanna, (ha)
I wanna really, really, really wanna Div-a-Div ah

If you want a future about the past
If you want Divinity, better study fast
Now don't go wasting your precious time
Stop procrastinating, make your next outline

I'll tell you what I want, what I really, really want
So tell me what you want, what you really, really want
I wanna, (ha) I wanna, (ha) I wanna, (ha) I wanna, (ha)
I wanna really, really, really wanna Div-a-Div ah
If you wanna get your M.Div, you gotta get to the end
(Gotta get to the end)
School can last forever, research never ends
If you wanna get your M.Div, count to 84
That's how many credits will get you out the door

Oh, what do you think about that
Holy Communion meal?
When they lift the bread up is Christ Jesus real?
(Is he for real?)
It's not that I think
That it's absurd
Transubstantiation's just too big a word

Yo I'll tell you what I want, what I really, really want
So tell me what you want, what you really, really want
I wanna, (ha) I wanna, (ha) I wanna, (ha) I wanna, (ha)
I wanna really, really, really wanna Div-a-Div ah

If you wanna get your M.Div, you gotta get to the end
(Gotta get to the end)
School can last forever, research never ends
If you wanna get your M.Div, count to 84
(To 84)
That's how many credits will get you out the door

So, Worship, Ethics, Theology
You wanna feel naïve? Take two terms of History
Read the Word in Bib Lit, and if your schedule fits,
Then take Greek like a geek and get your Logos on
Peace and Justice don't come for free, there's tuition fee
And by year three, ha you'll see

Cram for your exams and turn up all your jams
Cram for your exams and turn up all your jams

If you wanna get your M.Div, you gotta get to the end
(Gotta get to the end)
School can last forever, research never ends
If you wanna get your M.Div, count to 84
(To 84)
That's how many credits will get you out the door

If you wanna get your M.Div
You gotta, you gotta, you gotta, you gotta, you gotta
Cram, cram, cram, cram
(School can last forever)

Cram for your exams and turn up all your jams
Cram for your exams and turn up all your jams
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha
Cram for your exams and turn up all your jams
Cram for your exams and Div-a-Div ah
If you wanna get your M.Div

A Few of My Favorite Things

Because romping around in song à la Julie Andrews might be all it takes to embrace the beginning of a new school year like taking hold of an ice cream cone (and distract us momentarily from the barrage of natural disasters already heralding the season).



Crisp spines on textbooks and fine marginalia
Matriculation and profs in regalia
History lectures on prophets and kings
These are a few of my favorite things!

Reading and writing and researching papers
Footnotes and endnotes and hoarding the staplers
Bibliographic citations that sing
These are a few of my favorite things!

Worship in chapel with good-humored preachers
Old bathroom sinks with nice new non-splash features
Ready to take on intensives in spring
These are a few of my favorite things!

When the cold bites, when the grade stings,
When I'm feeling sad,
I simply remember my favorite things
And then I don't feel so bad!

Whoa, We're Halfway There

For those of us on a two-semester system or other Fall-Spring schedule... this? This is for us.

And a special shoutout to those who are now halfway done with their degree program!



Based on "Livin' on a Prayer" by Bon Jovi

Tommy thinks outside of the box.
Procrastinatin' Mike is leaning on luck.
School's tough, so tough.

Gina's been here reading all day.
Poring over Kant, she cries and she prays
It'll stop, mmm, it'll stop.

She says we gotta hold on to what we know:
There's one term down now and there's one to go.
Let's give this theo thing all we've got.
Grad school? We'll give it a shot!

Oh, we're halfway there.
Oh oh, livin' on a prayer.
Take my hand. We'll make it, I swear.
Oh oh, livin' on a prayer.

Bookstore's got new textbooks in stock.
They tear into wallets like Lizard poisons Spock.
So tough, mmm, it's tough.

Gina dreams of being ordained.
She works day and night, and Tommy whispers,
Baby, we'll get paid. Someday.

We've got to hold on to what we know:
It doesn't make a difference if the year goes slow.
Let's give this theo thing all we've got.
Grad school? We'll give it a shot!

Oh, we're halfway there.
Oh oh, livin' on a prayer.
Take my hand. We'll make it, I swear.
Oh oh, livin' on a prayer.
Livin' on a prayer!

We gotta hold on, ready or not.
You live for the fight when that's all that you've got!

[Key Change of Awesome]

Whoa, we're halfway there.
Whoa oh, livin' on a prayer.
Take my hand and we'll make it, I swear.
Whoa oh, livin' on a prayer. . . .

12 Angry Seminarians: On Diversity

"Diversity is a gift to be celebrated!!!

...but it also sucks."

-Dr. Chris Boesel

One part of our orientation to Drew was a discussion on diversity. Looking around at the theological school's student body, it is clear that the only group of people who could rival our diversity is a jury.

So I'm seeking a co-producer for a new play called 12 Angry Seminarians. Anyone interested?



Our ages range about 40 years. Maybe more.

We are of different races, ethnicities, nationalities, and heritages. We have many students from all over the world, from South Korea to Côte d'Ivoire.

We have different native tongues and in fact speak many more languages between us. A friend from South Korea taught me to say hello - 안녕, "ahn nyeong" (or formally 안녕하세요, "ahn nyeong ha say yo"). I've taught another Korean friend the phrase "study party," words I've taken for granted on a daily basis throughout college. For a friend from the Congo, English is his fifth language. Fifth.

We have students who have lived months or years in a country foreign to their own, and many who are now doing so for the first time. Students bring with them their "temporary resident" experiences of other countries from England to Honduras. We also have representation from all across the United States.

We are of different socioeconomic backgrounds and, despite at least one common expense, find ourselves in varying financial situations.

We are of different sexes, orientations, and gender identities. The school not only encourages gender neutral discussion of humans ("humankind" vs. "mankind") but also of God. But more on the Inclusive Language Policy another time.

We are single, married, separated, divorced, remarried, widowed, and in a range of relationships. Some have spouses in other states or other countries. Some are raising their families in campus apartments.

We are of different abilities, with unique strengths and weaknesses that have only just begun to shape us into a community with complementary parts.

We are of different political persuasions with a range of priorities and ideas in government, voting, and public policy.

We are of different faiths, denominations, and perspectives, sharing in belief and disbelief, curiosity and doubt. Even within our populous Christian contingent, differences can be striking.

This incredible diversity can create for us amazing growth, enlightenment, and interdependence - opportunities just waiting to be seized!

But easier said than seized.

Because diversity asks a lot of us. It asks us to see ourselves differently. It constantly presents us with the realization that there is yet another perspective that we have not considered or another life's worth of experiences that we may never come to understand fully, even if we genuinely try.

When asked to describe themselves, people in a majority infrequently list that dominant trait as part of what identifies them. At the same time, somehow many of our rarities do not earn the value of rarities, and instead they are often pointed out unfavorably by others or are used as the basis of self-deprecating humor.

Our default setting seems to be somewhere between the urge to set ourselves apart and blend in with a safely homogenous group. Sometimes we're willing to follow the social script even when it does not properly - even kindly - define us. It may be easier or safer or less intimidating than (inter-)acting off-book.

But we cannot allow our discussions on promoting diversity and respect to assume their own sort of social script: to become stale, inauthentic, incomprehensive, or roundaboutly offensive. We must be vigilant of this in even our noblest efforts -

That is, don't let something like this happen to you or someone you love:





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Interested in reading about diverse forms of diversity? Check out Readings for Diversity and Social Justice, Second Edition (2010), edited by Maurianne Adams, et. al., particularly Section 1 on Conceptual Frameworks. Other sections are by topic, such as ableism, sexism, and classism, and include excellent primary and secondary sources in various formats and writing styles.