Teaching Kids about the False Gender Binary

Today, Kim Frizzle wore a pin that reads "Challenge False Binaries" and began class with an unmarked picture of an American child who lived about 100 years ago.
"Do you know who this is, or when this picture is from?"

"No."

"That's okay. What CAN you observe about it?"

"She has a white dress/a hat with a feather/an interesting haircut... I'd guess she's about 3 or 4 years old... It must be an old picture, not just because it's in black and white but because she's not smiling and usually today photographers get kids to smile for pictures..."

"Great! Yes, this picture is probably from 1884, so the person was about 2 years old. This was one of our country's former presidents: Franklin Delano Roosevelt. See? Here he is all grown up."

"...waaaaaat."

"Do you have a question?"

"Why was he in a dress?!"

So we learned the history of a few cultural norms, including the tradition of dressing boys and girls in white dresses until about age 6 basically just because white was bleachable/thought to be a "kid" color, and how pink and blue emerged (and eventually swapped) as color "codes" around the WWII era.

We looked at the pictures from the Lumberjanes series and noticed how different all the girls look - their body types and hairstyles and fashion choices, quite different from what we're used to seeing in, say, Disney movies.

We talked about frustrations we feel when we're shopping for new clothes and it feels like a lot of choices have already been decided for us.

We learned what "inclusive language" means (they knew the phrase from around the church, but not what it meant). We recalled the Doxology we sing and how in this church instead of "Father and Son" we say "Creator and Christ." (Later on, the kids silenced our activity room just to be able to listen for these words during the service.)

We studied several feminine images for God used throughout the Bible, and talked about the kids' perception (one they brought up) that girls are encouraged to look up to men and sometimes to emulate traits considered masculine, and boys are comparably less encouraged or actively discouraged from looking up to women and emulating traits considered feminine.

We read an article from a mother talking about her 5-year-old son, who agrees vehemently he's a boy and also loves painting his nails and wearing dresses. We learned from this mom that some of the best ways to love people are to listen to them, to use the pronouns and names they ask us to use for them, and not to assign them a label based only on our perceptions of them. (I revised an excerpt from the full text at this link; I removed some major portions and some otherwise significant terms for both time and clarity suited for where they're at right now.)

We learned that sometimes it's good for kids to learn cultural lessons from adults about "how things work" and "why things are," but they should also trust their inner sense of who they are.

And then we spent the rest of the time making fashionable people cutouts to adorn the bulletin board beside the Pride flag. The signs we'll post with them read: "God is gender fluid" with a definition below it, and: "WE ARE ALL MADE IN GOD'S IMAGE."

This is one of the ways I followed up with the kids who asked me about a month ago, 'Why can't boys wear dresses?' Question-led lessons are my favorite lessons.

If you are also an educator/caregiver and any part of this lesson plan would be helpful to you, you are welcome and encouraged to use it.

A Riot Is the Language of the Unheard (Poetry in Honor of MLK)

Listen. What do you hear? 
What are the unheard saying
in their actions, in their words?
If they say, 
'We are hurting but no one hears us,'
shall we ignore the hurt?
Shall we then say only, 'Look 
at all the pain you've caused,' and turn away 
because it's easier to acknowledge 
the glass, the stone, than it is to know 
that the peace they've just broken 
was broken to begin with? 
That we didn't hear it break 
the first time?

---

In remembrance of the wise, nuanced stance which MLK took regarding his condemnation of riots - and his equal condemnation of the unjust conditions in society which go ignored until, it seems, nothing short of a riot will allow the rest of that society to take notice.

Recommended reading for today: "Christians, MLK Day, and Historical Amnesia"

Prayer for Leaders and Times of Transition

Original Photo
June 11, 2013 in Madison, NJ

Dear God, things are changing.  We are scared.  We are excited.  We are confused.  We are intrigued.  We are angry.  We are passionate.  We don’t even know what we feel.  Reassure us, strengthen us, calm us, enliven us.  Make us the people You hope for us to be.  Remind us that You’ll do some of that work, but that it’s up to us to respond to You.  We simply ask that You keep the conversation going, reminding us to speak the Truth and listen for Your Word.

We pray especially for those in our community who are lost or alone or suffering and for those who have been denied Your love.  Guide us to share Your love so that all may know it well.

We pray for [our outgoing senior pastor and his family] as they continue to serve You in their new church and community.  Let them find there not only work to be done, but also a home.  Give them Your strength and courage and be with them wherever they go.

We pray for [our incoming senior pastor and his family].  Let them find here not only work to be done, but also a home.  Help us to be respectful of the family’s time and space, but relentless in our support.

We pray for President Obama and all of our leaders in government; that they make wise decisions and lead with grace.

And we pray for the nation of Turkey in the midst of the turmoil there, especially these past two weeks.  We pray for the lives who have been lost and for all those left behind to pick up the pieces.  We pray for Prime Minister Erdogan, that he might hear his people; that he might fight for them and not against them.

Just and merciful God, help us to be slow to defame and vilify our leaders - political, religious, and otherwise - but quick to hold them accountable to such values as honesty and compassion.  Let us be honest and compassionate as we recognize our human leaders’ limitations and strengths, just as we recognize our own.  Let us know both justice and mercy.

And God, we trust that You have commissioned our leaders and that they are filled with the Spirit, like Moses and Joshua.  We remember that our leaders are capable of feeling fear and reluctance just as we are - just as Moses and Joshua were - but that, with Your blessing, they are also capable of leading us into the life that You promise us.

We confess that we have not always lived into that promise; we haven’t always believed it or acted like it’s true.  We confess that sometimes we feel distant from You or angry with You or don’t understand Your purposes.  Thank you for not letting that come between us.  Thank You for letting us know Your love and forgiveness even when we have done nothing to deserve them, because that is when we need You most.

In Jesus’ name and by the power of the Spirit, we pray.  Amen.

---

Pastoral Prayer offered on June 16, 2013
Chatham United Methodist Church, Chatham, NJ

An Independence Day Prayer

In the midst of our celebrations for Independence Day, let us also embrace an attitude of reflection and a spirit of growth.

Here is a prayer of confession from a July 3, 2011 service at a United Methodist Church. I found it poignant and pertinent.

Peace and blessings, everyone.


Source

Dear God, we read our Declaration of Independence with humility today:

We have proven unworthy of freedom and equality, and of having and sharing the rights to life, liberty, and happiness.

We accused Britain of refusing to pass laws to encourage migration to our shores,
but we have done the same thing.

We accused Britain of depriving prisoners of a trial by jury,
but we have done the same thing.

We accused Britain of quartering large bodies of armed troops among us,
but we have done the same thing to others.

We accused Britain of economic tyranny and greed,
and now we see these same forces in ourselves.

We accused the Native Americans of undistinguished destruction,
but we have poisoned the trees and plants of Vietnam.

We accused Britain of aggression and violence,
but we, too, have not always chosen the path of peace.

Dear Lord, You have so richly blessed us,
and, at our best, we have responded to your abundant grace.
Have mercy on us, and heal our blindness and self-deceit,
especially in this time of prayer.

Amen.