I WISH I had written this.
Martin Luther, meet Mary Poppins.
With thanks to Chris for showing this to me after mistakenly wondering if it had been one of my parodies.
Showing posts with label Church History. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Church History. Show all posts
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Thursday, June 16, 2011
A Girl's Best Friend, Anglican Style
It's been a while since I've posted one of my own song parodies, but I have a special treat for you.
Apparently the apple doesn't fall far from the ministerial tree -
I've just been notified that one of my former ministers and great mentors, the priest from an Episcopal Church I attended regularly over 10 years ago, is a parody lyricist.
This is rather how I imagine it would be to discover a hidden part of my family tree, thus clearing up some unexplained genetics. Really. This explains a lot.
But it gets better. She's not only written lyrics but has also taken it to the next level... and recorded a video.
So without further ado: "The Prayerbook Is A Girl's Best Friend." (Didn't you know that?)
Written and performed by Rev. Suzanne Guthrie (lyrics found here), based upon "Diamonds Are A Girl's Best Friend" from Gentlemen Prefer Blondes.
She puts me to shame. I think I need to step up my song parodies.
Thanks for the inspiration, Rev!
Apparently the apple doesn't fall far from the ministerial tree -
I've just been notified that one of my former ministers and great mentors, the priest from an Episcopal Church I attended regularly over 10 years ago, is a parody lyricist.
This is rather how I imagine it would be to discover a hidden part of my family tree, thus clearing up some unexplained genetics. Really. This explains a lot.
But it gets better. She's not only written lyrics but has also taken it to the next level... and recorded a video.
So without further ado: "The Prayerbook Is A Girl's Best Friend." (Didn't you know that?)
Written and performed by Rev. Suzanne Guthrie (lyrics found here), based upon "Diamonds Are A Girl's Best Friend" from Gentlemen Prefer Blondes.
She puts me to shame. I think I need to step up my song parodies.
Thanks for the inspiration, Rev!
Friday, March 25, 2011
We Didn't Start the Fire: Church Edition
Billy Joel wrote his song because he originally wanted to be a history teacher.I wrote this parody song because I suspect we've already covered more people and events in the 500 years of Church History II than we did in all 1500 years of Church History I.
This one goes out to theo students and churchgoers everywhere.
Best appreciated along with the video of the original "We Didn't Start the Fire" (I chose the one with the lyrics in case you'd like to sing along with Joel's version, too):
John Wycliffe, Jan Hus, Calvin, and Erasmus
Ulrich Zwingli, Luther's Theses, 1517
Johann Tetzel, humanism, Institutes of the Religion
Augsburg, Zurich, Marburg, Munster, Wittenberg's the scene
Menno Simons' Mennonites, T'resa's Discalced Carmelites
William Farel, Dentiere, England's Book of Common Prayer
Church of England splits off, Catholic Pope is ticked off
Edward's king at nine years old (he was Henry's male heir)
(Chorus)
Thomas Muntzer, Peasants' War, Thomas Cranmer, Thomas More
Anabaptists, Conrad Groebel, St. John of the Cross
Thomas Coke, George Blaurock, Argula von Grumbach
Richard Hooker, John Mott, France gets Huguenots
Plague spread by street rats, Communion causes Christian spats
Battles about liturgy: Queen Liz plays the referee
King James Bible, John Knox, Margaret Fell weds George Fox
Quakers pray - in PA; at the meetings no one talks
(Chorus)
Madison, Jefferson, and the Presbyterians
Puritan Commonwealth, Zinzendorf in ill health
Philip Spener, Pietism, Wesley brothers, Methodism
Church Revivals raising zeal; Edwards' words are working well
Independents, Baptists, Brown-Blackwell, Berry-Smith
Melchior Hoffman, J. Gresham Machen
Lott Carey, John Murray, Circuit Riders, Asbury
Whitefield's people praise him, even Franklin pays him
(Chorus)
Helen Kim, Reverdy Ransom, girls think Billy Sunday's handsome
Moody, Finney, journal of Jarena Lee
Cane Ridge and Azusa Street, Baptist congregations meet
Allen founds the AME, Varick adds to that a Z
Winthrop, Rauschenbusch, Willard gives girls' rights a push
Each school day, kids must pray; what else do I have to say?
(Chorus)
Social gospel, Lottie Moon (this song will be over soon)
Cartwright starts right; known to preach and fight
Shailer, Taylor, Prosser, Liele (progress sure can take a while)
Roger Williams, Modernists, Oberlin Perfectionists
Fundamentals, worship trends, changes at the Vatican
Dead Sea Scrolls, Rahner, Barth, World Council, Kierkegaard
Missionaries on new shores, schisms beckon at the door,
Now for all new holy wars, I can't take it anymore
(Repeat Chorus)
Friday, March 4, 2011
A Litany in Celebration of Women
- Dr. Heather Elkins (Drew University Chapel Service, March 3, 2011)
In celebration of Women's History Month, our chapel service yesterday consisted of various ways to honor the women of biblical, historical and contemporary Christianity. Besides Dr. Elkins' benediction (as partially quoted above), perhaps my favorite part of the service was the litany, which I wish to share.
This litany comes from the book Common Prayer: A Liturgy for Ordinary Radicals (Claiborne, et. al., Zondervan 2010). Plain text denotes the speaker/leader while text in bold is spoken by the entire congregation.We walk in the company of the women who have gone before, mothers of the faith both named and unnamed,
testifying with ferocity and faith to the Spirit of wisdom and healing.
They are the judges, the prophets, the martyrs, the warriors, poets, lovers, and saints who are near to us in the shadow of awareness, in the crevices of memory, in the landscape of our dreams.
We walk in the company of Deborah,
who judged the Israelites with authority and strength.
We walk in the company of Esther,
who used her position as queen to ensure the welfare of her people.
We walk in the company of you whose names have been lost and silenced,
who kept and cradled the wisdom of the ages.
We walk in the company of the woman with the flow of blood,
who audaciously sought her healing and release.
We walk in the company of Mary Magdalene,
who wept at the empty tomb until the risen Christ appeared.
We walk in the company of Phoebe,
who led an early church in the empire of Rome.
We walk in the company of Perpetua of Carthage,
whose witness in the third century led to her martyrdom.
We walk in the company of St. Christina the Astonishing,
who resisted death with persistence and wonder.
We walk in the company of Julian of Norwich,
who wed imagination and theology, proclaiming, "All shall be well."
We walk in the company of Sojourner Truth,
who stood against oppression, righteously declaring in 1852, "Ain't I a woman!"
We walk in the company of the Argentine mothers of the Plaza de Mayo,
who turned their grief to strength, standing together to remember "the disappeared" children of war with holy indignation.
We walk in the company of Alice Walker,
who named the lavender hue of womanish strength.
We walk in the company of you mothers of the faith,
who teach us to resist evil with boldness, to lead with wisdom, and to heal.
Amen.
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Heresy in Early Christianity
Although many texts were written and shared in the ancient Christian community to explain Christian life and to guide individuals and churches, dissonance between different groups arose from difficult questions about practices and doctrine and what Christianity as a religion would look like.
Most controversial matters were unresolved by either consensus or church legislation until the fifth century councils. As the church developed orthodoxy, so too did it begin to define heresy, action or belief that opposes official principles of a religion.
Source
Yet one sect's orthodoxy could be another sect's heresy, even with common foundations. For example, when the church developed into the differing parties of the Orthodox-Catholic-Chalcedonian; Nestorian; and Monophysite-Jacobite-Coptic, each considered the others heretical, despite that all three held firmly to the 'Nicene Creed'.
Even the Islamic faith, now one of the world's most widely practiced religions, was once thought to be a Christian heresy. What is defined to be heresy – or orthodoxy or another religion altogether – is changeable over time and subjective to one group or another.
In the aptly titled text "On the Correction of the Donatists," Augustine understands the Donatists to be heretical and out of communion with the Catholic Church. So important is this restored communion - and for the Donatists to see the error of their ways - that Augustine justifies coercion in the form of fines and nonviolent means. Some who are "brought back" later express contentment and gratitude despite the means by which they were initially persuaded, and to Augustine this is a sign that it is better for heretics to suffer discipline but to be brought back to the church than it is for them to suffer in their old ways.
He does, however, show some reluctance to coercing the Donatists to the Catholic Church - primarily in not advocating corporal or capital punishment. Inflicted death leaves no space for earthly repentance and sacrament. He further believes it would be unjust if they were to coerce people and then not educate them; the suffering would have been in vain, and would not bring about the change that Augustine genuinely desires for them.
The Manichaeans were also among all those who were subjected to imperial coercion, repressed and persecuted for their heretical views, but they were the only dissident Christians to be executed in the fourth century.
An issue as seemingly simple as the veneration of a particular saint caused distinction among some medieval Christian sects: the question of the validity of St. Guinefort, the Holy Greyhound, thought to protect infants, among the most vulnerable of people.
Source
Those who embrace Guinefort as a saint understand this to mirror what Jesus lived to do: to protect the marginalized and those who do not have a voice. Notably, this heretical thirteenth century cult would continue well into the nineteenth century. Despite being maintained as a minor cult, it retains its adherents for a period of 600 years, and thus is not an easily quashed off-shoot of orthodox belief. While many other controversies developed about matters of life, death, and afterlife, the question of a dog as a saint was less influential church-wide, and yet was outwardly rejected as heresy by some groups.
It would seem that "heresy" is simply a word used by one group to dismiss the religious belief of others - and perhaps at times that is the case. The ancient western church's acceptance of Augustine's ideas of original sin and "Christian imperfection," for instance, are debatably an effort - deliberate or somewhat subconscious - not only to maintain order in the church but to reserve a space for it and for the sacraments and rituals.
Apart from the possibility that this is simply the case - that the church developed orthodoxy from concepts which would sustain it - there is additionally the consideration that those within the councils in the position to make such affirmations were indeed clerics. I propose that they genuinely believed in this method - even genuinely encountered some indication of the divine in it - perhaps because, as clerics, that was how they approached faith. They are already in a position to find merit to sacraments and rituals not only because it gives meaning to their work but also because these are the means by which they have personally experienced and articulated their own spirituality.
In this way, a claim of heresy may be at times an earnest appeal to the "other," a statement that they have indeed found "truth." If two or more concepts or practices cannot simultaneously be correct, they are logically compelled - even obligated - not only to believe that a conflicting view is incorrect but to intervene and educate those who are apparently misguided. Augustine certainly saw this as the case.
I love this concept, but I find it all the more complicated when we
consider how to decide what is "essential"... Good effort, though.
Source
One might be inclined to wonder if perhaps early Christians would have liked, in an ideal and effortless religious schema, to agree on all accounts and to have a clear, coherent, unified understanding of the faith. The church consistently struggles toward unity and dissolves into sects with each doctrinal challenge. Therefore this leads to at least two possible explanations for the claims of heresies: on one hand, perhaps it is indeed a power struggle arising from the need to declare one's view as "correct" or from the need for power itself, and/or perhaps an authentic and virtually immutable conviction in one's beliefs to the point of sensing urgency in others "realizing the error of their ways" and "learning the truth" - the expectation that such people will be better off and grateful about it once they finally understand the orthodox truth. Either explanation lends itself well to the example of the dissenting Christian groups which all claimed that the other groups were in fact heretical, or the disagreement between those who venerated Saint Guinefort the greyhound and the sects which specifically did not.
In examining the effect of declarations of heresy on the physical division of the church and monastic sects, it would seem that heresy is more an ecclesiastical issue than a theological one. This claim, however, would be an oversimplification. Perhaps schisms are the stuff of ecclesiology, as the church communities struggle to define themselves and maintain unity on one level while causing fragmentation on another.
Based primarily upon The Word Made Flesh: A History of Christian Thought by Margaret R. Miles (Blackwell Publishing 2005) and the lectures of Dr. Catherine Peyroux, Drew University, Fall 2010. Conclusions made in the last four paragraphs are my input.
Most controversial matters were unresolved by either consensus or church legislation until the fifth century councils. As the church developed orthodoxy, so too did it begin to define heresy, action or belief that opposes official principles of a religion.
Yet one sect's orthodoxy could be another sect's heresy, even with common foundations. For example, when the church developed into the differing parties of the Orthodox-Catholic-Chalcedonian; Nestorian; and Monophysite-Jacobite-Coptic, each considered the others heretical, despite that all three held firmly to the 'Nicene Creed'.
Even the Islamic faith, now one of the world's most widely practiced religions, was once thought to be a Christian heresy. What is defined to be heresy – or orthodoxy or another religion altogether – is changeable over time and subjective to one group or another.
In the aptly titled text "On the Correction of the Donatists," Augustine understands the Donatists to be heretical and out of communion with the Catholic Church. So important is this restored communion - and for the Donatists to see the error of their ways - that Augustine justifies coercion in the form of fines and nonviolent means. Some who are "brought back" later express contentment and gratitude despite the means by which they were initially persuaded, and to Augustine this is a sign that it is better for heretics to suffer discipline but to be brought back to the church than it is for them to suffer in their old ways.
He does, however, show some reluctance to coercing the Donatists to the Catholic Church - primarily in not advocating corporal or capital punishment. Inflicted death leaves no space for earthly repentance and sacrament. He further believes it would be unjust if they were to coerce people and then not educate them; the suffering would have been in vain, and would not bring about the change that Augustine genuinely desires for them.
The Manichaeans were also among all those who were subjected to imperial coercion, repressed and persecuted for their heretical views, but they were the only dissident Christians to be executed in the fourth century.
An issue as seemingly simple as the veneration of a particular saint caused distinction among some medieval Christian sects: the question of the validity of St. Guinefort, the Holy Greyhound, thought to protect infants, among the most vulnerable of people.
Those who embrace Guinefort as a saint understand this to mirror what Jesus lived to do: to protect the marginalized and those who do not have a voice. Notably, this heretical thirteenth century cult would continue well into the nineteenth century. Despite being maintained as a minor cult, it retains its adherents for a period of 600 years, and thus is not an easily quashed off-shoot of orthodox belief. While many other controversies developed about matters of life, death, and afterlife, the question of a dog as a saint was less influential church-wide, and yet was outwardly rejected as heresy by some groups.
It would seem that "heresy" is simply a word used by one group to dismiss the religious belief of others - and perhaps at times that is the case. The ancient western church's acceptance of Augustine's ideas of original sin and "Christian imperfection," for instance, are debatably an effort - deliberate or somewhat subconscious - not only to maintain order in the church but to reserve a space for it and for the sacraments and rituals.
Apart from the possibility that this is simply the case - that the church developed orthodoxy from concepts which would sustain it - there is additionally the consideration that those within the councils in the position to make such affirmations were indeed clerics. I propose that they genuinely believed in this method - even genuinely encountered some indication of the divine in it - perhaps because, as clerics, that was how they approached faith. They are already in a position to find merit to sacraments and rituals not only because it gives meaning to their work but also because these are the means by which they have personally experienced and articulated their own spirituality.
In this way, a claim of heresy may be at times an earnest appeal to the "other," a statement that they have indeed found "truth." If two or more concepts or practices cannot simultaneously be correct, they are logically compelled - even obligated - not only to believe that a conflicting view is incorrect but to intervene and educate those who are apparently misguided. Augustine certainly saw this as the case.
I love this concept, but I find it all the more complicated when we
consider how to decide what is "essential"... Good effort, though.
Source
One might be inclined to wonder if perhaps early Christians would have liked, in an ideal and effortless religious schema, to agree on all accounts and to have a clear, coherent, unified understanding of the faith. The church consistently struggles toward unity and dissolves into sects with each doctrinal challenge. Therefore this leads to at least two possible explanations for the claims of heresies: on one hand, perhaps it is indeed a power struggle arising from the need to declare one's view as "correct" or from the need for power itself, and/or perhaps an authentic and virtually immutable conviction in one's beliefs to the point of sensing urgency in others "realizing the error of their ways" and "learning the truth" - the expectation that such people will be better off and grateful about it once they finally understand the orthodox truth. Either explanation lends itself well to the example of the dissenting Christian groups which all claimed that the other groups were in fact heretical, or the disagreement between those who venerated Saint Guinefort the greyhound and the sects which specifically did not.
In examining the effect of declarations of heresy on the physical division of the church and monastic sects, it would seem that heresy is more an ecclesiastical issue than a theological one. This claim, however, would be an oversimplification. Perhaps schisms are the stuff of ecclesiology, as the church communities struggle to define themselves and maintain unity on one level while causing fragmentation on another.
Based primarily upon The Word Made Flesh: A History of Christian Thought by Margaret R. Miles (Blackwell Publishing 2005) and the lectures of Dr. Catherine Peyroux, Drew University, Fall 2010. Conclusions made in the last four paragraphs are my input.
Friday, February 25, 2011
The Religious Society of F·R·I·E·N·D·S
First of all, I have to say that for me this TV sitcom theme song has become inextricably connected to this video from comedian Rob Paravonian:
Second of all, my apologies to the Quaker community. This song was on a loop in my mind all throughout our last Church History class, and the only plausible remedy was to unleash a song parody unto the world. I do so in the spirit of peace and musical mnemonic devices.
The Society of F·R·I·E·N·D·S
So no one told you life was gonna be this way [four claps]
In fact it's true, no one said anything all day
But who needs speech when we've got God to hear?
Wait and listen for a day each week, each month of every year, 'cause...
There's a Light in you
(That you shouldn't ignore)
There's a Light in you
(The divine's at your core)
There's a Light in you
(And there's one in me too)
The churches' doctrine battles made George Fox irate
He preached his own ideas by 1648
And Will Penn brought this stuff across the seas
So then Pennsylvania was the place for Quakers to meet in peace
There's a Light in you
(That you shouldn't ignore)
There's a Light in you
(The divine's at your core)
There's a Light in you
(And there's one in me too)
No one could ever agree
No one could e'er be friendly
So pacifism is our way of living happ'ly
Have Friends to face the day wth,
Quake it through all our quests with,
And Friends we'll always laugh with -
Except we'll do that silently too, yeah
But who needs speech when we've got God to hear?
Wait and listen for a day each week, each month of every year...
There's a Light in you
(That you shouldn't ignore)
There's a Light in you
(The divine's at your core)
There's a Light in you
(And there's one in me too)
There's a Light in you
There's a Light in you
There's a Light in you
(And there's one in me too)
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
If Dr. House Solved Theological Mysteries
And now for something completely different:
A script!
Sort of.
Meet Dr. House's new team: St. Augustine of Hippo, Pelagius, and Julian of Norwich.
Yes. Yes, I went there. And you're coming with me.
This will serve best as a review for those who took Church History I (up to late 15th century). Everybody else, it might just - dare I say - tempt you to read these authors' works...
...or convince you to avoid them like the plague. (But that's a House/Church History crossover for another day.)
[Deep Announcer Voice] You're watching House, M.D., episode:"Damned If You Do" "Deception" "House vs. God" "Human Error" "Saviors"
...Yeesh. All the good ones are taken, aren't they? Fine then.
[Resume Deep Announcer Voice] Episode: "Sin."
Fade in.
House: "Okay, Hippo, what have you got?"
Augustine: "Patient's a chronic liar."
House: "Everybody lies. Tell me something I don't know about him."
Pelagius: "Mates with anything that moves." (Pointed glare at Augustine.) "Steals food even when he is not hungry." (Second pointed glare.) "Prays for forgiveness of sinful behavior but never actually changes said behavior. I could go on."
House: "Please don't. Theories of origin?"
Augustine: "Inherited from the first human."
Pelagius: "Socialization. Culture. Habit."
Augustine: "Exacerbated by habit. Originated in the first human."
House (already bored of them): "Julian, you're awfully quiet today. You forget how to interact with other human life during your long career as an anchorwoman?"
Julian: "Anchoress, Dr. House."
House: "Same thing. So you have something to contribute, or do you want to think on it for another 25 years first?"
Julian: "I think the patient was just doing his best. He couldn't help but stumble, but he only stumbled because he wanted so greatly to please his Lord."
House: "God help us. Pelagius? You have a diagnosis rolling around in that perfect little head of yours?"
Pelagius: "Maybe it's lup-"
(House glares.)
Pelagius: "Uh, loop-de-loops. Terrible things. Everyone should walk the straight and narrow, I always say. We're all perfectly capable of avoiding spiritual detours."
Augustine (adding insistently): "God willing."
House: "Fine. We've established that it's sin. We don't know how it got there, but we know we want to get rid of it. Julian, they're a lost cause. I'm looking at you for a prognosis."
Julian: "All shall be well."
House: "That's not funny, Julian. You said that about the last three patients. We're trying to save a life here."
Augustine: "Salvation isn't in our hands, House. It is by God's mercy that--"
House (losing patience...no pun intended): "Okay, Hippo, I get it. Could you just tell the anchoress here that she can't give the same prognosis for every patient without even considering the nature of their illness? A guy could be wheeled in here on a gurney after being hit by a bus and she'd still say the same damned thing."
Julian (bristling at the use of 'damned'): "Just because you don't understand it doesn't mean it can't happen."
House: "Wilson, is that you? You've done something to your hair. And voice. And..." (looks down her body and prickles)
Julian: "What I meant was what is impossible for you is not impossible for--"
House (sighs dramatically): "Pelagius, go break into Sinbad's house and look for some dirt on the man."
Pelagius: "I can't."
House: "Can't what?"
Pelagius: "Break into his house."
House: "Oh, for Christ's sake."
(Team members exchange glances.)
House: "That's it. You span 1000 years of church history among you and you still can't even fathom the basis of sin. How the hell do you expect to be able to figure out how it's treated?"
(Team members exchange glances. Then: uproar, chaos, heated arguments. House takes his cane and Vicodin and heads for the door.)
House: "We're missing something."
End scene.
A script!Sort of.
Meet Dr. House's new team: St. Augustine of Hippo, Pelagius, and Julian of Norwich.
Yes. Yes, I went there. And you're coming with me.
This will serve best as a review for those who took Church History I (up to late 15th century). Everybody else, it might just - dare I say - tempt you to read these authors' works...
...or convince you to avoid them like the plague. (But that's a House/Church History crossover for another day.)
[Deep Announcer Voice] You're watching House, M.D., episode:
...Yeesh. All the good ones are taken, aren't they? Fine then.
[Resume Deep Announcer Voice] Episode: "Sin."
Fade in.
House: "Okay, Hippo, what have you got?"
Augustine: "Patient's a chronic liar."
House: "Everybody lies. Tell me something I don't know about him."
Pelagius: "Mates with anything that moves." (Pointed glare at Augustine.) "Steals food even when he is not hungry." (Second pointed glare.) "Prays for forgiveness of sinful behavior but never actually changes said behavior. I could go on."
House: "Please don't. Theories of origin?"
Augustine: "Inherited from the first human."
Pelagius: "Socialization. Culture. Habit."
Augustine: "Exacerbated by habit. Originated in the first human."
House (already bored of them): "Julian, you're awfully quiet today. You forget how to interact with other human life during your long career as an anchorwoman?"
Julian: "Anchoress, Dr. House."
House: "Same thing. So you have something to contribute, or do you want to think on it for another 25 years first?"
Julian: "I think the patient was just doing his best. He couldn't help but stumble, but he only stumbled because he wanted so greatly to please his Lord."
House: "God help us. Pelagius? You have a diagnosis rolling around in that perfect little head of yours?"
Pelagius: "Maybe it's lup-"
(House glares.)
Pelagius: "Uh, loop-de-loops. Terrible things. Everyone should walk the straight and narrow, I always say. We're all perfectly capable of avoiding spiritual detours."
Augustine (adding insistently): "God willing."
House: "Fine. We've established that it's sin. We don't know how it got there, but we know we want to get rid of it. Julian, they're a lost cause. I'm looking at you for a prognosis."
Julian: "All shall be well."
House: "That's not funny, Julian. You said that about the last three patients. We're trying to save a life here."
Augustine: "Salvation isn't in our hands, House. It is by God's mercy that--"
House (losing patience...no pun intended): "Okay, Hippo, I get it. Could you just tell the anchoress here that she can't give the same prognosis for every patient without even considering the nature of their illness? A guy could be wheeled in here on a gurney after being hit by a bus and she'd still say the same damned thing."
Julian (bristling at the use of 'damned'): "Just because you don't understand it doesn't mean it can't happen."
House: "Wilson, is that you? You've done something to your hair. And voice. And..." (looks down her body and prickles)
Julian: "What I meant was what is impossible for you is not impossible for--"
House (sighs dramatically): "Pelagius, go break into Sinbad's house and look for some dirt on the man."
Pelagius: "I can't."
House: "Can't what?"
Pelagius: "Break into his house."
House: "Oh, for Christ's sake."
(Team members exchange glances.)
House: "That's it. You span 1000 years of church history among you and you still can't even fathom the basis of sin. How the hell do you expect to be able to figure out how it's treated?"
(Team members exchange glances. Then: uproar, chaos, heated arguments. House takes his cane and Vicodin and heads for the door.)
House: "We're missing something."
End scene.
Friday, November 12, 2010
I'm Dominican (The Thomas Aquinas Tango)
Apparently the Creativity Monster took hold of me during my church history studies this week, and this is the result.
I'm sorry that the Serious Posts thing didn't last extraordinarily long, but I hope you can forgive me since, really, this song from the "Scrubs" musical (the only episode of the show I've seen - thank you, YouTube and Curtis) is entirely wonderful on its own and worth every moment of allegedly wasted time.
Besides, for those of you studying Thomas Aquinas, the parody will be an upbeat review. Blame it on my high school science teachers who made up songs as teaching tools.
Now, imagine, if you will, Thomas Aquinas and I in an intense tango sequence. He's already dead, of course, but sort of alive in a studying-church-history kind of way. See, look how lively he is just thinking about dancing with me:
And in this case, pronounce "Augustine" as the British Au-GUS-tin, even though this usually doesn't matter because, as the prof says, he is sooo dead!
Lyrics below best read after this video:
"I'm Dominican"
Or, The Thomas Aquinas Tango
"I've had it up to here, so let me make it very clear,
Because I swear I'll never clue you in again.
Every time that you profess that I am Benedictine--"
"Yes?"
"For the last time, Kim, I'm Dominican!"
"Don't make a big to-do. I was simply testing you."
"Then why'd you say my accent sounds 'Cistercian'?"
"Tom, you know I know the truth."
"Well, I need a little proof.
So list all you've learnt about me in that class again."
"Uh. Let's see.
Your name is Thomas, 'last name' Aquinas.
You're a priest, a patron saint and - wait, I've got it - Franciscan..."
"Kim!"
"Ignatian...? Well, you must admit, you monks sure have a lot of sects."
"Tell me, what's my sainthood fame?"
"OK, I'm tired of this game.
Let's forget it. I give up. I guess you win again!
But it's not just me who gets mixed up
By all this strange monastic stuff."
"Sorry, even I know, he's Dominican."
"Did I die in Fossanova or in Michigan?
How long before I lived did Jesus fish for men?
Were my writings e'er inspired by Augustine?
Tell me, am I Benedictine or Dominican?"
"The thing is, students know dumb facts,
Like your birth just East-Southeast of Rome:
Year twelve twenty-five.
And that is why our brains are maxed,
And there's no room for things like doctrine or theology."
"Well, thank you for that glimpse into the minds of seminarians."
"Let's talk about your life and how you first became Dominican."
"Have you read some of my work?"
"Yeah, it made me go berserk...
But I liked the part 'bout proving God's existence."
"God's experienced like heat,
Not just wafers that you eat."
"I guess warmth would make sense to Dominicans.
...And Franciscans."
"Kim!"
"But you're Dominican!"
I'm sorry that the Serious Posts thing didn't last extraordinarily long, but I hope you can forgive me since, really, this song from the "Scrubs" musical (the only episode of the show I've seen - thank you, YouTube and Curtis) is entirely wonderful on its own and worth every moment of allegedly wasted time.
Besides, for those of you studying Thomas Aquinas, the parody will be an upbeat review. Blame it on my high school science teachers who made up songs as teaching tools.
Now, imagine, if you will, Thomas Aquinas and I in an intense tango sequence. He's already dead, of course, but sort of alive in a studying-church-history kind of way. See, look how lively he is just thinking about dancing with me:
And in this case, pronounce "Augustine" as the British Au-GUS-tin, even though this usually doesn't matter because, as the prof says, he is sooo dead!
Lyrics below best read after this video:
"I'm Dominican"
Or, The Thomas Aquinas Tango
"I've had it up to here, so let me make it very clear,
Because I swear I'll never clue you in again.
Every time that you profess that I am Benedictine--"
"Yes?"
"For the last time, Kim, I'm Dominican!"
"Don't make a big to-do. I was simply testing you."
"Then why'd you say my accent sounds 'Cistercian'?"
"Tom, you know I know the truth."
"Well, I need a little proof.
So list all you've learnt about me in that class again."
"Uh. Let's see.
Your name is Thomas, 'last name' Aquinas.
You're a priest, a patron saint and - wait, I've got it - Franciscan..."
"Kim!"
"Ignatian...? Well, you must admit, you monks sure have a lot of sects."
"Tell me, what's my sainthood fame?"
"OK, I'm tired of this game.
Let's forget it. I give up. I guess you win again!
But it's not just me who gets mixed up
By all this strange monastic stuff."
"Sorry, even I know, he's Dominican."
"Did I die in Fossanova or in Michigan?
How long before I lived did Jesus fish for men?
Were my writings e'er inspired by Augustine?
Tell me, am I Benedictine or Dominican?"
"The thing is, students know dumb facts,
Like your birth just East-Southeast of Rome:
Year twelve twenty-five.
And that is why our brains are maxed,
And there's no room for things like doctrine or theology."
"Well, thank you for that glimpse into the minds of seminarians."
"Let's talk about your life and how you first became Dominican."
"Have you read some of my work?"
"Yeah, it made me go berserk...
But I liked the part 'bout proving God's existence."
"God's experienced like heat,
Not just wafers that you eat."
"I guess warmth would make sense to Dominicans.
...And Franciscans."
"Kim!"
"But you're Dominican!"
Friday, September 10, 2010
Hey There Corinthians
A song in honor of studying Paul's letters to the Corinthians (i.e. what came about as I was doing this week's Church History homework).
Best read after this video:
Hey there Corinthians,
What's it like in Corinth city?
I'm two hundred miles away,
And yes, it really is a pity,
But it's true:
Nobody needs help quite like you.
Advice is due.
Hey there Corinthians,
Don't you worry about the distance.
I've sent Timothy to see you;
He'll arrive and you can't miss 'm.
By the way,
What's this about idol feast days?
That's not OK.
Oh, watch what you do to meat.
Oh, watch what you do to meat.
Oh, watch what you do to meat.
Oh, watch what you do to meat,
What you do to meat.
Hey there Corinthians,
I know times are getting hard,
But just believe me now --
The Lord will come again to mend what's marred.
We'll have it good.
We'll have the life we knew we would.
God's word is good.
Hey there Corinthians,
I've got so much left to say.
If every simple note I wrote to you
Would take your sins away,
I'd write it all.
Only Christ can catch us when we fall.
He saves us all.
(But by the way...)
Oh, watch what you do to meat.
Oh, watch what you do to meat.
Oh, watch what you do to meat.
Oh, watch what you do to meat.
Two hundred miles seems pretty far,
But we can navigate with stars.
I'll write you even when I cannot stay.
The guards may all make fun of us,
And we will just press on because
We know that none of them can change our ways.
Corinthians, I can promise you
That by the time God gets through
The world will never ever be the same,
For Jesus' name.
Hey there Corinthians,
You be good and don't you miss me.
Two more years and I'll be put in jail
And I'll be making history like I do.
(You'll know it's not because of you.
Sanhedrin do what they want to.)
Hey there Corinthians, here's to you.
This one's for you.
(Oh yeah, and...)
Oh, watch what you do to meat.
Oh, watch what you do to meat.
Oh, watch what you do to meat.
Oh, watch what you do to meat,
What you do to meat.
-----
As a side note, it really sort of frightens me just how little of this song I needed to change.
(Image copyright Gospel Communications International, Inc – www.reverendfun.com)
Best read after this video:
Hey there Corinthians,
What's it like in Corinth city?
I'm two hundred miles away,
And yes, it really is a pity,
But it's true:
Nobody needs help quite like you.
Advice is due.
Hey there Corinthians,
Don't you worry about the distance.
I've sent Timothy to see you;
He'll arrive and you can't miss 'm.
By the way,
What's this about idol feast days?
That's not OK.
Oh, watch what you do to meat.
Oh, watch what you do to meat.
Oh, watch what you do to meat.
Oh, watch what you do to meat,
What you do to meat.
Hey there Corinthians,
I know times are getting hard,
But just believe me now --
The Lord will come again to mend what's marred.
We'll have it good.
We'll have the life we knew we would.
God's word is good.
Hey there Corinthians,
I've got so much left to say.
If every simple note I wrote to you
Would take your sins away,
I'd write it all.
Only Christ can catch us when we fall.
He saves us all.
(But by the way...)
Oh, watch what you do to meat.
Oh, watch what you do to meat.
Oh, watch what you do to meat.
Oh, watch what you do to meat.
Two hundred miles seems pretty far,
But we can navigate with stars.
I'll write you even when I cannot stay.
The guards may all make fun of us,
And we will just press on because
We know that none of them can change our ways.
Corinthians, I can promise you
That by the time God gets through
The world will never ever be the same,
For Jesus' name.
Hey there Corinthians,
You be good and don't you miss me.
Two more years and I'll be put in jail
And I'll be making history like I do.
(You'll know it's not because of you.
Sanhedrin do what they want to.)
Hey there Corinthians, here's to you.
This one's for you.
(Oh yeah, and...)
Oh, watch what you do to meat.
Oh, watch what you do to meat.
Oh, watch what you do to meat.
Oh, watch what you do to meat,
What you do to meat.
-----
As a side note, it really sort of frightens me just how little of this song I needed to change.
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